Title: Instant Gratification

Author: odintsova_27

Pairing: WeeVer

Rating: R for language and sexual references

Spoilers: Through 2.12

Disclaimer: All Veronica Mars characters and places belong to UPN and Rob Thomas.  Elise, and the people in it, including the Rodriguez family are my own creations.

Notes: This is my entry for the Weevil create-a-thon.  My assignment was WeeVer with tons of innuendos, no Weevil/Logan or Weevil/Lily.

Summary: Veronica needs Weevil’s help on a case and sparks fly…

Chapter 1

Veronica thought that, for the most part, she was a pretty smart girl.  Veronica usually knew right from wrong and usually knew the smart thing to do versus the stupid thing.

Hey, she never said that she always did the right or smart thing, but she usually knew what it was.

She probably shouldn’t have taken the case, but the woman was offering a lot of money to find her daughter, and Veronica and her dad always could use a lot of money.

There was just one problem, her dad already had his hands full with a couple of lucrative bail jumpers, so she would have to do this case on her own.  Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem, except for the whole language barrier.

“Does Mr. Mars speak Spanish?” the woman, Marcia Rodriguez asked.

“He does.” Veronica had said.

“My daughter, Gabrielle, we had a fight about five years ago.  She would send me letters every month or so, so I’d know she’s all right, but about six months ago the letters stopped coming.”

“What did you and your daughter fight about?” Veronica asked, the woman looked pained, Veronica took a breath and let it out before saying, “It might help the case, to know why she left.”

Ms. Rodriguez nodded, “Of course it would, I’m just being silly.  I was an alcoholic for many years, all through my daughter’s childhood.  When she was sixteen she left.  As soon as I didn’t have a daughter anymore, I knew that I had to do something.  I went into rehab, got cleaned up.  I’d love to see my daughter again, explain….apologize.”

Veronica wrote that down, “What makes you think she’s here?”

 “That last letter was postmarked from Elise.”

Veronica raised her eyes slightly, Elise was a kind of rough, exclusively Hispanic town that was on Neptune’s border and spilled into East Neptune.  At least now she knew why the woman needed a Spanish speaking PI, most people in Elise could speak English, but they often refused to do so.

“I need to know she’s all right, I don’t even need her to come home.  Just to know that she’s alive and that she’s happy.”

Veronica nodded, “Ms. Rodriguez, Mr. Mars would be please to take the case, I will call you as soon as we know anything.”

Ms. Rodriguez ripped out a check and handed it to Veronica, “Please, work as fast as you can.”

Veronica nodded again, as the woman got up and left the office.  The woman’s words rang in her ear.  Here was a woman who got cleaned up to get her daughter back, a woman who clearly seemed to love her daughter.  But if this woman’s love for her daughter was a clear as a crystal lake, Veronica’s mom’s love for her was more like the Mississippi river.  Muddy, and a pain in the ass to traverse.

Veronica sighed, “Okay, Veronica,” she said to herself, “The self-pity party is over.”

She wanted to take this case, not just for the money, but she wanted to help such a good woman find her daughter.  Of course if she was going to go into Elise, she would need someone who spoke Spanish.  He father would refuse to let her help on any case involving Elise, he had too many drug and weapon busts there as Sheriff to have any sympathy for the place, especially if his daughter going there.

She thought for a moment, then picked up the phone and dialed.

When the other end picked up, she said, “How would you like to make some extra cash?”

A sultry voice on the other end whispered, “Wow V, Duncan must have really been bad for you to come to me like this.”

“Dream on, meet me at Java the Hut at 4.”

“In a public place too?” the voice asked incredulously.

Veronica did the only thing she could, she hung up the phone, a slight smile playing across her lips.

Title: I Cannot Live With You

Author: Odintsova_27

Paring/Character: Duncan’s POV, Veronica/Duncan

Word Count: 1,909

Rating: PG-for brief sexual references

Summary: Duncan’s POV through Season 1 events, also builds on what happens to Duncan after “Donut Run”.

Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for all of season 1, and for Season 2 up until episode, “Donut Run”.  I am not usually a VD fan but when I got my lyrics and heard the song, it reminded me a lot of the VD relationship.  Even if you aren’t a die-hard VD fan, read and appreciate our modern day star crossed lovers.

Lyrics: “I Fall to Pieces”-Patsy Cline

Note: There are three different parts in which my story is written, Duncan in the present, Duncan’s flashbacks and the lyrics of the song.  The title comes from an Emily Dickinson poem, that I think resembles VD, especially their fear of opening up to the other one. 

“You’re the one who broke up with her,” Lily reminded him, dabbing at her toenail with a Q-tip, trying to keep the pink paint from smearing.

Duncan sat up on his bed and shot his sister a dirty look, “She’s our half-sister, Lily.  How could I keep on dating her?”

“Well,” Lily said, ignoring his question, “It’s too bad you two never hooked up before this.”

Duncan pushed a pillow against his face to muffle his scream of frustration, “Dammit Lily!  Why can’t you see this is important to me?  I love Veronica and I have just found out that her mom and my dad were having an affair, and Veronica is my half-sister.  Why can’t you…”  He trailed off

Lily did the strangest thing then; she put down the Q-tip, and bottle of nail polish, and went over to Duncan’s bed, sitting beside him on the couch.  She wrapped her arms around him in a very big-sisterly fashion.

“It’s okay little brother,” she whispered in his ear.  “Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

Duncan burst into tears.

He awoke, suddenly, to the sound of a baby crying.  It was Lily, still fussy from the cold she had last week.  Duncan got up and picked her up out of the crib, rocking her slowly back to sleep.  When he tried to put her back into the crib, she began to cry, so he sat in the rocking chair and, with one foot, pushed it back and forth as Lily drifted back off to sleep.

If it hadn’t been for Lily, his sister Lily, that is, he knew he would not have survived his break up with Veronica.  He remembered that after Lily died, he would often flash back on that day in his room.

“Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

He remembered being furious because, she lied.  She wasn’t always there; she had left him to face his life, a life without Lily or Veronica, alone.

That night, the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, he had sex with Veronica.  It was amazing, and romantic and loving.  Until the morning after, when he fully realized he had slept with his sister.  His sister!  He didn’t know if Veronica was embarrassed, or simply trying to repress that moment.  Neither of them spoke of it again.  But when he saw her during that summer after, for her saw her a few times, he remembered the way her skin felt pressed against him, remembered the way her cheek felt when he kissed it, her hair when he ran his fingers through it.  He knew he couldn’t be with her, but he also couldn’t be with out her.

I fall to pieces,
Each time I see you again.

He still remembered the pang of jealously when Veronica started dating Troy.  Not that he had anything against Troy, he was an old friend.  He saw Troy with his arm around Veronica at school, kissing her at his locker before running off to class.  He and Veronica used to do those things, and now she was doing them with another guy.  He couldn’t take it. 

He didn’t see her at homecoming, but Troy told him later she wore a red satin strapless dress and she looked, according to Troy “smokin’.”  Duncan wanted to hit him.  He and Veronica had a couple of classes together, and they could talk again, almost friendly.  But in some ways that hurt him more.

I fall to pieces.
How can I be just your friend?

He still remembered how he jumped from the bleachers, how Veronica ran over and drove him to the hospital.  He asked her if she remembered how things used to be, before-

Before what?

He wasn’t sure.  Before they had broken up?  Before Lily died?  Before Troy, when Duncan could still hope that maybe, somehow, they could get back together?

“No, not really.”

That was her answer, all of it.  Maybe they were really better off apart, maybe Veronica has never really loved him the way he loved her.  Duncan was an expert on unrequited love, he was best friends with Logan.

You want me to act like we've never kissed.
You want me to forget, pretend we've never met.

Lily had stopped crying now, she was asleep again, Duncan put her in crib and crawled back into his own bed.  He tried to fall back asleep, but sleep alluded him, as it had for many nights before.  He thought of Veronica again, he wondered if she was asleep now, or if she also was lying awake in these still hours.

Veronica and Troy had broken up, something Duncan had only been too happy about, but it was later in the year, around the time of the spring dance that she had started dating another man.  He was a young police officer, Leo, and when Duncan saw them at the spring dance, their foreheads pressed together, him whispering something in her ear, the old jealousy resurfaced.  It was unfair, he knew, after all he had asked Meg to the dance, but still, it was hard for him to comprehend that he and Veronica were moving on with their lives.  He didn’t want to date girls other than Veronica, no matter how cute or nice they were.

He only had  looked over at her and Leo, once, and she and Leo were staring at each other, happy. 

It was like a knife to the heart.

And I've tried and I've tried, but I haven't yet.
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
 

He ran into Leo and Veronica on another date, he, Meg and his parents were out getting coffee and dessert.  Meg and Veronica greeted each other and Leo shook his hand, what Duncan really wanted to do was hit Leo, but instead he returned the handshake. 

Later that night, when the Kanes had arrived home, his mom began to talk about Veronica.

“Did you see that man she was with?  He had to be at least twenty.  Of course she would go for an older man.  What with her mother’s predilections-”

Duncan and his father exchanged a glance, then Duncan stormed up to his room, slamming the door.

I fall to pieces,
Each time someone speaks your name.

Duncan turned over onto his side, trying to get comfortable in the still unfamiliar bed.  A glance at the sleeping Lily reminded him of the day that Veronica accused him of killing his sister Lily.

For the first time, in a long time, he was furious at her.  How could she?  How could she say that he killed his sister, his big sister, his bulwark in a storm of uncertainty.  How could she?  But as Veronica talked, Duncan realized that he remembered nothing of the days surrounding Lily’s death.  Veronica was putting that together with his illness, and thinking that in a rage, he killed his sister.

It scared him, because it made sense, it fit, more than Abel Koontz fit.  And that scared him.  Afraid of himself, afraid of what he might be capable of, he turned and fled.  He loved Veronica, he didn’t want to risk hurting her like he…like he…hurt Lily?

I fall to pieces.
Time only adds to the flame.

When Veronica’s dad brought him back from Cuba, Veronica came to visit him.  And, joy of joys, he was in for another shock.

That tender, romantic love making session they shared the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party? Veronica had been drugged that night, didn’t remember, this whole year she had thought that someone raped her, and, after a little investigating, she thought it was him.

Duncan couldn’t believe that two people, two people who, he thought, had once loved each other could resort to this.  Flinging harsh accusations and harsher words.  He couldn’t believe that, even for a minute, Veronica could think he raped her.

But Duncan also knew that Veronica had changed, that the Veronica who was standing in front of him, practically in tears, was not the same Veronica of two years ago, before Lily died, before they broke up.  She was stronger, a fighter, Veronica against the world.

He wanted to take her into his arms and rock her back and forth.  He wanted to whisper into her ear, like he used to, that he loved her, that everything was going to be all right.  He was about to, when they noticed his mom, standing behind Veronica, to the side, listening to them.

Veronica gave a half-choked sob, turned and fled.  Duncan sank to his knees, he had to pull himself together, Meg was coming over in a few minutes, so they could go to Logan’s surprise party together. 

“Veronica helped to bring Meg and me together,” Duncan realized, “but I don’t love Meg, I love Veronica, it isn’t fair to Meg.  Or me.  Or…Veronica?

You tell me to find someone else to love,
Someone who'll love me too, the way you used to do.

They were waiting, Logan’s friends and hanger-ons, in the dark, waiting for Logan to walk in the door, to throw him a surprise party.  The door opened, the lights turned on, everyone yelled surprise, but it was Duncan who was surprised.

It was Logan, all right, but Veronica was with him, and they were kissing.

How could Veronica even think about dating Logan, after the way he acted towards her?  How could Logan betray him like this, Logan knew he still liked Veronica.

Meg was asking him if he was okay, but he ignored her.  He got up, and began to walk towards the door.  Logan tried to say something to him, Veronica wouldn’t look him in the eye, but he ignored them too and walked to his car.

He needed to hit something, and, seeing the shovel, and his car door being locked, he began to hit the car door with the shovel.

Meg came out, “This is about Veronica, isn’t it?  You’re still in love with her, right?”

He didn’t answer her, he was pretty sure the sight of him beating his car after seeing Veronica with another man was answer enough.

But each time I go out with some one new,
You walk by and I fall to pieces.

Duncan still remembered that night he found out he and Veronica weren’t half-siblings.  He remembered the shock and relief and happiness he felt, like a large weight was carried from his shoulders.  He wanted to run to her and kiss her, but she turned and left, leaving Duncan with a mouth full of unanswered questions.

Later that night when the police caught Aaron Echolls, he saw Veronica at the crime scene.  She had been crying, her face was swollen and her clothes bloody and torn.

But their eyes met across the expanse of road between them, eyes full of pain and shock meeting the like.  She turned away, climbing into an ambulance.

You walk by and I fall to pieces.

It was pretty obvious that Duncan would not be getting a whole lot more sleep tonight.  He got up from his bed, opened the shutters, and stared off into the starry night.  God he missed Veronica, missed her with all his heart.

He hoped that, someday, they would meet again.

Right now, he hoped she was happy, hoped she was safe.

“I love you, Veronica,” he whispered to the stars.

A light breeze brushed his cheek, like a kiss.

Title: I Cannot Live With You

Author: Odintsova_27

Paring/Character: Duncan’s POV, Veronica/Duncan

Word Count: 1,909

Rating: PG-for brief sexual references

Summary: Duncan’s POV through Season 1 events, also builds on what happens to Duncan after “Donut Run”.

Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for all of season 1, and for Season 2 up until episode, “Donut Run”.  I am not usually a VD fan but when I got my lyrics and heard the song, it reminded me a lot of the VD relationship.  Even if you aren’t a die-hard VD fan, read and appreciate our modern day star crossed lovers.

Lyrics: “I Fall to Pieces”-Patsy Cline

Title: I Cannot Live With You

Author: Odintsova_27

Paring/Character: Duncan’s POV, Veronica/Duncan

Word Count: 1,909

Rating: PG-for brief sexual references

Summary: Duncan’s POV through Season 1 events, also builds on what happens to Duncan after “Donut Run”.

Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for all of season 1, and for Season 2 up until episode, “Donut Run”.  I am not usually a VD fan but when I got my lyrics and heard the song, it reminded me a lot of the VD relationship.  Even if you aren’t a die-hard VD fan, read and appreciate our modern day star crossed lovers.

Lyrics: “I Fall to Pieces”-Patsy Cline

Note: There are three different parts in which my story is written, Duncan in the present, Duncan’s flashbacks and the lyrics of the song.  The title comes from an Emily Dickinson poem, that I think resembles VD, especially their fear of opening up to the other one. 

“You’re the one who broke up with her,” Lily reminded him, dabbing at her toenail with a Q-tip, trying to keep the pink paint from smearing.

Duncan sat up on his bed and shot his sister a dirty look, “She’s our half-sister, Lily.  How could I keep on dating her?”

“Well,” Lily said, ignoring his question, “It’s too bad you two never hooked up before this.”

Duncan pushed a pillow against his face to muffle his scream of frustration, “Dammit Lily!  Why can’t you see this is important to me?  I love Veronica and I have just found out that her mom and my dad were having an affair, and Veronica is my half-sister.  Why can’t you…”  He trailed off

Lily did the strangest thing then; she put down the Q-tip, and bottle of nail polish, and went over to Duncan’s bed, sitting beside him on the couch.  She wrapped her arms around him in a very big-sisterly fashion.

“It’s okay little brother,” she whispered in his ear.  “Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

Duncan burst into tears.

He awoke, suddenly, to the sound of a baby crying.  It was Lily, still fussy from the cold she had last week.  Duncan got up and picked her up out of the crib, rocking her slowly back to sleep.  When he tried to put her back into the crib, she began to cry, so he sat in the rocking chair and, with one foot, pushed it back and forth as Lily drifted back off to sleep.

If it hadn’t been for Lily, his sister Lily, that is, he knew he would not have survived his break up with Veronica.  He remembered that after Lily died, he would often flash back on that day in his room.

“Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

He remembered being furious because, she lied.  She wasn’t always there; she had left him to face his life, a life without Lily or Veronica, alone.

That night, the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, he had sex with Veronica.  It was amazing, and romantic and loving.  Until the morning after, when he fully realized he had slept with his sister.  His sister!  He didn’t know if Veronica was embarrassed, or simply trying to repress that moment.  Neither of them spoke of it again.  But when he saw her during that summer after, for her saw her a few times, he remembered the way her skin felt pressed against him, remembered the way her cheek felt when he kissed it, her hair when he ran his fingers through it.  He knew he couldn’t be with her, but he also couldn’t be with out her.

I fall to pieces,
Each time I see you again.

He still remembered the pang of jealously when Veronica started dating Troy.  Not that he had anything against Troy, he was an old friend.  He saw Troy with his arm around Veronica at school, kissing her at his locker before running off to class.  He and Veronica used to do those things, and now she was doing them with another guy.  He couldn’t take it. 

He didn’t see her at homecoming, but Troy told him later she wore a red satin strapless dress and she looked, according to Troy “smokin’.”  Duncan wanted to hit him.  He and Veronica had a couple of classes together, and they could talk again, almost friendly.  But in some ways that hurt him more.

I fall to pieces.
How can I be just your friend?

He still remembered how he jumped from the bleachers, how Veronica ran over and drove him to the hospital.  He asked her if she remembered how things used to be, before-

Before what?

He wasn’t sure.  Before they had broken up?  Before Lily died?  Before Troy, when Duncan could still hope that maybe, somehow, they could get back together?

“No, not really.”

That was her answer, all of it.  Maybe they were really better off apart, maybe Veronica has never really loved him the way he loved her.  Duncan was an expert on unrequited love, he was best friends with Logan.

You want me to act like we've never kissed.
You want me to forget, pretend we've never met.

Lily had stopped crying now, she was asleep again, Duncan put her in crib and crawled back into his own bed.  He tried to fall back asleep, but sleep alluded him, as it had for many nights before.  He thought of Veronica again, he wondered if she was asleep now, or if she also was lying awake in these still hours.

Veronica and Troy had broken up, something Duncan had only been too happy about, but it was later in the year, around the time of the spring dance that she had started dating another man.  He was a young police officer, Leo, and when Duncan saw them at the spring dance, their foreheads pressed together, him whispering something in her ear, the old jealousy resurfaced.  It was unfair, he knew, after all he had asked Meg to the dance, but still, it was hard for him to comprehend that he and Veronica were moving on with their lives.  He didn’t want to date girls other than Veronica, no matter how cute or nice they were.

He only had  looked over at her and Leo, once, and she and Leo were staring at each other, happy. 

It was like a knife to the heart.

And I've tried and I've tried, but I haven't yet.
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
 

He ran into Leo and Veronica on another date, he, Meg and his parents were out getting coffee and dessert.  Meg and Veronica greeted each other and Leo shook his hand, what Duncan really wanted to do was hit Leo, but instead he returned the handshake. 

Later that night, when the Kanes had arrived home, his mom began to talk about Veronica.

“Did you see that man she was with?  He had to be at least twenty.  Of course she would go for an older man.  What with her mother’s predilections-”

Duncan and his father exchanged a glance, then Duncan stormed up to his room, slamming the door.

I fall to pieces,
Each time someone speaks your name.

Duncan turned over onto his side, trying to get comfortable in the still unfamiliar bed.  A glance at the sleeping Lily reminded him of the day that Veronica accused him of killing his sister Lily.

For the first time, in a long time, he was furious at her.  How could she?  How could she say that he killed his sister, his big sister, his bulwark in a storm of uncertainty.  How could she?  But as Veronica talked, Duncan realized that he remembered nothing of the days surrounding Lily’s death.  Veronica was putting that together with his illness, and thinking that in a rage, he killed his sister.

It scared him, because it made sense, it fit, more than Abel Koontz fit.  And that scared him.  Afraid of himself, afraid of what he might be capable of, he turned and fled.  He loved Veronica, he didn’t want to risk hurting her like he…like he…hurt Lily?

I fall to pieces.
Time only adds to the flame.

When Veronica’s dad brought him back from Cuba, Veronica came to visit him.  And, joy of joys, he was in for another shock.

That tender, romantic love making session they shared the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party? Veronica had been drugged that night, didn’t remember, this whole year she had thought that someone raped her, and, after a little investigating, she thought it was him.

Duncan couldn’t believe that two people, two people who, he thought, had once loved each other could resort to this.  Flinging harsh accusations and harsher words.  He couldn’t believe that, even for a minute, Veronica could think he raped her.

But Duncan also knew that Veronica had changed, that the Veronica who was standing in front of him, practically in tears, was not the same Veronica of two years ago, before Lily died, before they broke up.  She was stronger, a fighter, Veronica against the world.

He wanted to take her into his arms and rock her back and forth.  He wanted to whisper into her ear, like he used to, that he loved her, that everything was going to be all right.  He was about to, when they noticed his mom, standing behind Veronica, to the side, listening to them.

Veronica gave a half-choked sob, turned and fled.  Duncan sank to his knees, he had to pull himself together, Meg was coming over in a few minutes, so they could go to Logan’s surprise party together. 

“Veronica helped to bring Meg and me together,” Duncan realized, “but I don’t love Meg, I love Veronica, it isn’t fair to Meg.  Or me.  Or…Veronica?

You tell me to find someone else to love,
Someone who'll love me too, the way you used to do.

They were waiting, Logan’s friends and hanger-ons, in the dark, waiting for Logan to walk in the door, to throw him a surprise party.  The door opened, the lights turned on, everyone yelled surprise, but it was Duncan who was surprised.

It was Logan, all right, but Veronica was with him, and they were kissing.

How could Veronica even think about dating Logan, after the way he acted towards her?  How could Logan betray him like this, Logan knew he still liked Veronica.

Meg was asking him if he was okay, but he ignored her.  He got up, and began to walk towards the door.  Logan tried to say something to him, Veronica wouldn’t look him in the eye, but he ignored them too and walked to his car.

He needed to hit something, and, seeing the shovel, and his car door being locked, he began to hit the car door with the shovel.

Meg came out, “This is about Veronica, isn’t it?  You’re still in love with her, right?”

He didn’t answer her, he was pretty sure the sight of him beating his car after seeing Veronica with another man was answer enough.

But each time I go out with some one new,
You walk by and I fall to pieces.

Duncan still remembered that night he found out he and Veronica weren’t half-siblings.  He remembered the shock and relief and happiness he felt, like a large weight was carried from his shoulders.  He wanted to run to her and kiss her, but she turned and left, leaving Duncan with a mouth full of unanswered questions.

Later that night when the police caught Aaron Echolls, he saw Veronica at the crime scene.  She had been crying, her face was swollen and her clothes bloody and torn.

But their eyes met across the expanse of road between them, eyes full of pain and shock meeting the like.  She turned away, climbing into an ambulance.

You walk by and I fall to pieces.

It was pretty obvious that Duncan would not be getting a whole lot more sleep tonight.  He got up from his bed, opened the shutters, and stared off into the starry night.  God he missed Veronica, missed her with all his heart.

He hoped that, someday, they would meet again.

Right now, he hoped she was happy, hoped she was safe.

“I love you, Veronica,” he whispered to the stars.

A light breeze brushed his cheek, like a kiss.

Title: I Cannot Live With You

Author: Odintsova_27

Paring/Character: Duncan’s POV, Veronica/Duncan

Word Count: 1,909

Rating: PG-for brief sexual references

Summary: Duncan’s POV through Season 1 events, also builds on what happens to Duncan after “Donut Run”.

Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers for all of season 1, and for Season 2 up until episode, “Donut Run”.  I am not usually a VD fan (WeeVer and LoVe For Life!) but when I got my lyrics and heard the song, it reminded me a lot of the VD relationship.  Even if you aren’t a die-hard VD fan, read and appreciate our modern day star crossed lovers.

Lyrics: “I Fall to Pieces”-Patsy Cline

Note: There are three different parts in which my story is written, Duncan in the present, Duncan’s flashbacks and the lyrics of the song.  The title comes from an Emily Dickinson poem, that I think resembles VD, especially their fear of opening up to the other one. 

“You’re the one who broke up with her,” Lily reminded him, dabbing at her toenail with a Q-tip, trying to keep the pink paint from smearing.

Duncan sat up on his bed and shot his sister a dirty look, “She’s our half-sister, Lily.  How could I keep on dating her?”

“Well,” Lily said, ignoring his question, “It’s too bad you two never hooked up before this.”

Duncan pushed a pillow against his face to muffle his scream of frustration, “Dammit Lily!  Why can’t you see this is important to me?  I love Veronica and I have just found out that her mom and my dad were having an affair, and Veronica is my half-sister.  Why can’t you…”  He trailed off

Lily did the strangest thing then; she put down the Q-tip, and bottle of nail polish, and went over to Duncan’s bed, sitting beside him on the couch.  She wrapped her arms around him in a very big-sisterly fashion.

“It’s okay little brother,” she whispered in his ear.  “Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

Duncan burst into tears.

He awoke, suddenly, to the sound of a baby crying.  It was Lily, still fussy from the cold she had last week.  Duncan got up and picked her up out of the crib, rocking her slowly back to sleep.  When he tried to put her back into the crib, she began to cry, so he sat in the rocking chair and, with one foot, pushed it back and forth as Lily drifted back off to sleep.

If it hadn’t been for Lily, his sister Lily, that is, he knew he would not have survived his break up with Veronica.  He remembered that after Lily died, he would often flash back on that day in his room.

“Everything is going to be all right.  I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

He remembered being furious because, she lied.  She wasn’t always there; she had left him to face his life, a life without Lily or Veronica, alone.

That night, the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, he had sex with Veronica.  It was amazing, and romantic and loving.  Until the morning after, when he fully realized he had slept with his sister.  His sister!  He didn’t know if Veronica was embarrassed, or simply trying to repress that moment.  Neither of them spoke of it again.  But when he saw her during that summer after, for her saw her a few times, he remembered the way her skin felt pressed against him, remembered the way her cheek felt when he kissed it, her hair when he ran his fingers through it.  He knew he couldn’t be with her, but he also couldn’t be with out her.

I fall to pieces,
Each time I see you again.

He still remembered the pang of jealously when Veronica started dating Troy.  Not that he had anything against Troy, he was an old friend.  He saw Troy with his arm around Veronica at school, kissing her at his locker before running off to class.  He and Veronica used to do those things, and now she was doing them with another guy.  He couldn’t take it. 

He didn’t see her at homecoming, but Troy told him later she wore a red satin strapless dress and she looked, according to Troy “smokin’.”  Duncan wanted to hit him.  He and Veronica had a couple of classes together, and they could talk again, almost friendly.  But in some ways that hurt him more.

I fall to pieces.
How can I be just your friend?

He still remembered how he jumped from the bleachers, how Veronica ran over and drove him to the hospital.  He asked her if she remembered how things used to be, before-

Before what?

He wasn’t sure.  Before they had broken up?  Before Lily died?  Before Troy, when Duncan could still hope that maybe, somehow, they could get back together?

“No, not really.”

That was her answer, all of it.  Maybe they were really better off apart, maybe Veronica has never really loved him the way he loved her.  Duncan was an expert on unrequited love, he was best friends with Logan.

You want me to act like we've never kissed.
You want me to forget, pretend we've never met.

Lily had stopped crying now, she was asleep again, Duncan put her in crib and crawled back into his own bed.  He tried to fall back asleep, but sleep alluded him, as it had for many nights before.  He thought of Veronica again, he wondered if she was asleep now, or if she also was lying awake in these still hours.

Veronica and Troy had broken up, something Duncan had only been too happy about, but it was later in the year, around the time of the spring dance that she had started dating another man.  He was a young police officer, Leo, and when Duncan saw them at the spring dance, their foreheads pressed together, him whispering something in her ear, the old jealousy resurfaced.  It was unfair, he knew, after all he had asked Meg to the dance, but still, it was hard for him to comprehend that he and Veronica were moving on with their lives.  He didn’t want to date girls other than Veronica, no matter how cute or nice they were.

He only had  looked over at her and Leo, once, and she and Leo were staring at each other, happy. 

It was like a knife to the heart.

And I've tried and I've tried, but I haven't yet.
You walk by and I fall to pieces.
 

He ran into Leo and Veronica on another date, he, Meg and his parents were out getting coffee and dessert.  Meg and Veronica greeted each other and Leo shook his hand, what Duncan really wanted to do was hit Leo, but instead he returned the handshake. 

Later that night, when the Kanes had arrived home, his mom began to talk about Veronica.

“Did you see that man she was with?  He had to be at least twenty.  Of course she would go for an older man.  What with her mother’s predilections-”

Duncan and his father exchanged a glance, then Duncan stormed up to his room, slamming the door.

I fall to pieces,
Each time someone speaks your name.

Duncan turned over onto his side, trying to get comfortable in the still unfamiliar bed.  A glance at the sleeping Lily reminded him of the day that Veronica accused him of killing his sister Lily.

For the first time, in a long time, he was furious at her.  How could she?  How could she say that he killed his sister, his big sister, his bulwark in a storm of uncertainty.  How could she?  But as Veronica talked, Duncan realized that he remembered nothing of the days surrounding Lily’s death.  Veronica was putting that together with his illness, and thinking that in a rage, he killed his sister.

It scared him, because it made sense, it fit, more than Abel Koontz fit.  And that scared him.  Afraid of himself, afraid of what he might be capable of, he turned and fled.  He loved Veronica, he didn’t want to risk hurting her like he…like he…hurt Lily?

I fall to pieces.
Time only adds to the flame.

When Veronica’s dad brought him back from Cuba, Veronica came to visit him.  And, joy of joys, he was in for another shock.

That tender, romantic love making session they shared the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party? Veronica had been drugged that night, didn’t remember, this whole year she had thought that someone raped her, and, after a little investigating, she thought it was him.

Duncan couldn’t believe that two people, two people who, he thought, had once loved each other could resort to this.  Flinging harsh accusations and harsher words.  He couldn’t believe that, even for a minute, Veronica could think he raped her.

But Duncan also knew that Veronica had changed, that the Veronica who was standing in front of him, practically in tears, was not the same Veronica of two years ago, before Lily died, before they broke up.  She was stronger, a fighter, Veronica against the world.

He wanted to take her into his arms and rock her back and forth.  He wanted to whisper into her ear, like he used to, that he loved her, that everything was going to be all right.  He was about to, when they noticed his mom, standing behind Veronica, to the side, listening to them.

Veronica gave a half-choked sob, turned and fled.  Duncan sank to his knees, he had to pull himself together, Meg was coming over in a few minutes, so they could go to Logan’s surprise party together. 

“Veronica helped to bring Meg and me together,” Duncan realized, “but I don’t love Meg, I love Veronica, it isn’t fair to Meg.  Or me.  Or…Veronica?

You tell me to find someone else to love,
Someone who'll love me too, the way you used to do.

They were waiting, Logan’s friends and hanger-ons, in the dark, waiting for Logan to walk in the door, to throw him a surprise party.  The door opened, the lights turned on, everyone yelled surprise, but it was Duncan who was surprised.

It was Logan, all right, but Veronica was with him, and they were kissing.

How could Veronica even think about dating Logan, after the way he acted towards her?  How could Logan betray him like this, Logan knew he still liked Veronica.

Meg was asking him if he was okay, but he ignored her.  He got up, and began to walk towards the door.  Logan tried to say something to him, Veronica wouldn’t look him in the eye, but he ignored them too and walked to his car.

He needed to hit something, and, seeing the shovel, and his car door being locked, he began to hit the car door with the shovel.

Meg came out, “This is about Veronica, isn’t it?  You’re still in love with her, right?”

He didn’t answer her, he was pretty sure the sight of him beating his car after seeing Veronica with another man was answer enough.

But each time I go out with some one new,
You walk by and I fall to pieces.

Duncan still remembered that night he found out he and Veronica weren’t half-siblings.  He remembered the shock and relief and happiness he felt, like a large weight was carried from his shoulders.  He wanted to run to her and kiss her, but she turned and left, leaving Duncan with a mouth full of unanswered questions.

Later that night when the police caught Aaron Echolls, he saw Veronica at the crime scene.  She had been crying, her face was swollen and her clothes bloody and torn.

But their eyes met across the expanse of road between them, eyes full of pain and shock meeting the like.  She turned away, climbing into an ambulance.

You walk by and I fall to pieces.

It was pretty obvious that Duncan would not be getting a whole lot more sleep tonight.  He got up from his bed, opened the shutters, and stared off into the starry night.  God he missed Veronica, missed her with all his heart.

He hoped that, someday, they would meet again.

Right now, he hoped she was happy, hoped she was safe.

“I love you, Veronica,” he whispered to the stars.

A light breeze brushed his cheek, like a kiss.